A Simple Sentence

What do I have to say?

That’s a simple sentence that anyone and everyone should asks themselves deep down before they open their mouths. If you don’t have anything to say, please, keep it closed. The world is already full of pointless droning and keening. We don’t need any more.

That aside, this is a Very Important Question. You should answer it with honesty and diligence. If you do have something to say, then comes the next step–is it worth saying, or better, how does it affect the world around you if said? Sometimes you will have something to say and it is best not to say anything at all. It’s a matter of priority–what is important and what is not.

So next time you’re walking down the street and ready to shout out something inane, or any other situation really, just take a second and as yourself ‘what do i have to say’. Eventually it will become an ingrained practice.

Then maybe you jackasses in cars at three am will stop shouting faggot to me through your open window while we both wait for the green light to cross the road.

Sincerely yours,
B.

Short Film

So my friend and I were fortunate enough to be selected to participate in the Atlantic Filmmaker’s Cooperative FILM 5 program. Basically we were competing with 7 other teams of writer/director/producers to get our 5 minute short film made. We’re given a modest cash budget and access to equipment we wouldn’t normally get, as well as a chance to shoot on 35mm film (super 35mm film I hope!). A link to the program is here: http://afcoop.ca/programs-and-training/film-5/

So now we’re crewing up and casting. Which is gonna be a challenge, but I love a challenge. We’re looking for a kick-ass young boy around thirteen to play the main character in the short. The search has already begun! In the mean time my producer and I are going to be making weekly production videos documenting our progress and slow descent into insanity (and maybe gory battles). We’re posting these videos on our facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deep-End-Short-Film/166710150047579?ref=ts

Also, you can follow us on twitter under the moniker @deependfilm, to keep up with all of our madness!

And if you’re super keen on finding out more please visit our project page on indiegogo (http://www.indiegogo.com/Deep-End)! It has all the facts and figures and things you need to know about Deep End! You can also donate a few bucks if you can spare them. Any money goes to paying our crew and helping us get the best post production process possible. If you still wanna help out and are strapped for the almighty dollar, then please just spread the word to anyone you think would be interested. The more people that know about our film the better!

And now I have to go hunt down a peanut butter sandwich to eat.

Yours and mine,
B.

The Writing Writer

What is writing? Words on paper, words on a computer screen. Collections of words that come together to express or communicate something as trivial as a grocery list and as epic as a manifesto. Writing is distilled communication–it can be crystal clear or muddy as a river in spring. Any one can write. Just like anyone can play the guitar. But not every one can do it well, with mastery, with craftsmanship and care.

This is the gulf between those who write and writers. A writer is someone who writes because she must–she will always write, regardless of what is going on in her life, regardless of obstacles or annoyances. A writer puts words to paper, yes, but a writer can ‘see’ a flow to these words and fashions a vision from repeated symbols. More than this, a writer is a storyteller (one is not always the other), and contains within the natural rhythms of story as well as the conventional and unconventional methods of crafting.

I create stories from the world around me. I see things and people that connect and I mold them into events that reveal something about human existence and experience. Sometimes these things are painful–people do not wish to see them. But they must see them. They must be faced and thought of and worked through–tried and tested in a crucible, people come out better on the other side after facing their demons.

This is one of the most powerful and meaningful things I can do with my life. Imagine, being given a gift and choosing to use it in a way that benefits others. This applies to many walks of life. Now imagine being unable to use this gift because of things like ‘genre’ and ‘market’ and ‘box office’.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not against making money. Money is needed for life in the current way we’ve set up the world (it has yet to be seen if this is indeed the best set up for society). Box office is great. Genre can be fun. Markets help to better aim stories at the people who need to hear them.

But they are also restrictive to creators and degrading to viewers.

Practically no one will watch a gut-wrenching real life depiction of a woman who loses her legs and is confined to a wheelchair. How does she live, what are her struggles? Live in her place for 2 hours and know something exists beyond you and that we are all pieces of the same experience. No one will see it because it is uncomfortable and people don’t like to acknowledge that suffering and pain are part of life. Films have become only about entertainment and entertainment only. The business of film. The money you can make and spend.

I see more value in a 20 000$ feature with bad cinematography that is genuine and revealing of the people in this country, this world, than a billion dollar blockbuster that makes 6 people rich beyond imagining.

Maybe that’s just me.

The point I am getting at is a film without emotional content, without a core (a soul you might call it) is a sad creature without a lasting impact beyond surface sensation and petty manipulation that gives the impression of an emotional journey but in fact is a complete illusion. This in comparison to material with a lasting, visceral, impact full of emotional twists and turns. These movies make you think and feel and you remember them–they make an impression beyond spoken words and images locked into your mind. In fact it is this emotional content that binds those things and makes them part of your experience.

A writer writers because he must. But with no one to read, the act is empty.

Life As You Know It

A funny thing happens when you’ve lived long enough and have seen outside the nest of the place you grew up in. Eventually you return. It happens. There’s no sense in avoiding it. That’s not the funny thing, though. The funny thing is the perspective you gain. It’s literally like looking at the person you used to be, in entirety, from a different angle. Down a corridor. Through a different lens.

All those hopes and dreams and opinions and thoughts…so different. So small. Or at least that’s what it seems to me. If anything with the passing of time I have become more myself than ever. And no, that doesn’t mean I need to lay off the doughnuts. Though that probably wouldn’t hurt. No, it means that the person I am now is closer to the person I should be. If that makes sense.

When you’re young you stumble around in the dark. There is no light. You can’t even conceive the notion of light. It’s a foreign thing. But when you see it, when you get a little hint of it, well that’s a world altering event. Then you have a direction to travel in. A place to focus on. But how do you get to that place when you don’t know the right questions to ask? I mean, you can ask all the questions that come to mind, but a mind that cannot perceive beyond the limitations of its experience and physical senses can’t fathom the stuff that leads to the right questions.

This is an important maxim: Know Thyself.

But, you say, I already know myself. After all, I am me. Who could know me more than myself?

Well friend, here is the hard truth–the vast majority (we’re talking like 99.998%) do not know themselves. Cannot know themselves. They are lost and blind, drowning in an ocean of ego, desire and reaction. How can you know yourself when you can’t be honest with yourself? How can you know yourself when you’re afraid of what you might be? How can you know yourself when you are content living a falsehood?

You can’t. But you can sure-as-well fool yourself into thinking you can!

So now, here I am, perced on the edge of what has been and what will be. And I see the thing I once was, and the person I am destined to become. And I still do not know myself as much as I would like. But here’s the thing: it never ends. You are constantly changing, and so you must establish a growing relationship with yourself. Know new fears, know old scars and memories. Know that by facing these things you make yourself stronger. You make yourself more you than you’ve ever been.

So keep a look out, as see how well you know yourself. See how you see the world, and know that is is but one point of a multitude of points. And it will shift. And life is good.

B.

Funding

I was going to talk about TIFF a little bit but I figure there are several other, more interesting, blogger who have that under control.

Instead I’m turning my thoughts to funding in regards to film making.

Funding is important. Funding comes from many places. Funding allows you to feed your crew, or hire a crew to begin with! It pays for the equipment and the media and the time people spend on your vision. And it pays you so you can live on and make another film! Funding is important.

But what happens when you can’t secure it? What happens when you apply to every possible grant or fellowship and are rejected? Well, you get no funding. That sucks. I know. You know. We all know.

But be not afraid!  Funding is important, yes. Crucial, even. But there is something else. Something more fundamental than funding (ha. What a strange sentence). Something that you need more than money or fancy cameras.

Passion.

Can’t buy it. Can’t bottle it (maybe you can. But I don’t wanna hear about it). Passion is the word I use to describe that drive, that feeling deep inside of you that comes from the core of who you are. It makes you do crazy things. It demands action. Usually it demands you fill out stacks of grant applications at first. But when those fail and you have no money? That burning drive is still there. It demands an outlet. So what do you do then? You give up? You say ‘I wish I knew the right people so I could get some sweet cash money’ while eating a bucket of strawberry ice cream? No. No you don’t do that. And if you do…hey, I’m talking to you! If you do, put down that damn spoon! Now is not that time for that.

Passion means that things move forward no matter what. Funding or no funding, ways are found. Favors are exchanged. Time is begged, borrowed and stolen. You find a way to make your film because you are passionate. You are invested. You have something to say or show the world that is important. Something no one else can say. It doesn’t matter if it’s a 2 minute film or a 2 hour film. People might call you crazy, but if that gnawing, insatiable drive is there you’ll do it.

If on the other hand, you eat that entire bucket of strawberry ice cream and then go to sleep, waking up just in time for your day job, well. Maybe the drive isn’t there. Only you can tell. All I know is without that interest, that primal investment in what you’re doing, you might as well give up.

Or make Transformers 4.

The answer then, is yes, try to get funding. Do it as best you can and pour your passion into your projects. If you get money to film, then that’s awesome. If not, then push ever forward. Never give an inch. You will find a way.

B.

Importance

Here is something to think about my fine friends–importance. That is to say, what is important. Not to you, that’s entirely too subjective for me to deal with. And your tastes change so often it’s too hard to keep up with my little minions. No, I’m talking about a more encompassing importance. Let’s say ‘what is important in life’ for the sake of simplification and semantics.

I realize this will be different from person to person, as it is a question I sometimes ask my friends (who then get pissed because I think too much).

Let’s pre-empt and list some of the first things that most people would say. This is a fun game, c’mon. Let’s play a little bit.

1. family. A big one, and one I will agree with to an extent. 2. one’s self. Also important, for without one’s self, there can be no interaction or perception of other things. Again, within a limit this is fine. 3. Money. You might think this is important, but it’s not so much beyond the fact we’ve decided it is needed to live in the world. But money is common and all over. Not to lessen its value–money in itself is a golden power and should be respected. Just not put on a pedestal. 4. work. Conditional–I would say work with core values of empathy, compassion, love, or elements oriented with these are more important than industry, or even science and technology. This is not to say work cannot contain the opposite or alternative elements. Horror often turns us to protection, and so hate and violence can turn us to compassion and understanding.

So what else is important? Raising children so there is a tomorrow, making the world a better place, improving the living conditions of humans worldwide. Agreed? Yes. Well, here is where we run into a bit of a snag. Mostly it’s the ‘how’. How does one change the world for the better? Film is one way, a ready example at the tip of my fingers. So how can my films change the world? Well, I must first identify the problems with the world and seek to remedy them. Another issue: what is a problem to me is a way of life for others. Dilemma. Raising children, the same issue. How I raise my child will be different from how you raise yours, depending on the values we have and the things in life we emphasize.

So then what? We’re lost in a cacophony of personal opinion, taste and preference. How do we decide on what is important? Well, we could all get together and decide what is of universal importance. Yeah, because generalization and conformity have done such wonders for the world. That might even work for a decade or so, but it would all fall apart, just as the methods and systems of education have fall apart since the old times.

Then what do we do? Is there a way to decide what is important? Are there things that are universally important? Maybe, my fine friends. But to discover this we must look at the world with a keen, clear eye. This simple question demands the definition of many other things–the nature of humankind, the purpose of humankind’s existence (“the meaning of life” is something else entirely and a silly question to boot. If you think about it I hope you’ll see what I mean), and the future humankind is aimed toward. Answer those three things and you’ll see what is truly important in life.

Not everyone will find these things, but let’s say they are the forces which move, retract and preserve the underpinnings of the world. It’s good to value and promote family, friends, safety and happiness. But there must be those few who set those things aside to find the other things, the subtle currents that run beneath the world that allow the former things to exist.

There will come a day, as there have many times in the past, that we will be pushed to the brink and the actions of a few people will galvanize many into a force that will propel us into oblivion, or send us to that other place we can never seem to clearly see. If we fail at this, then it is something we have to accept and take responsibility for, not go crying and screaming like a spoilt child into the dark. If we succeed, things will be very, very different. For a time.

Join me next time for more random, tip-of-the-iceberg thoughts.

B.

Today’s Word: Inspiration

Here’s a little glimpse into the inner workings of a creative person, be they painter, filmmaker, sculptor or other discipline that requires being in touch with innovation and inspiration:

Doubt, fear, procrastination and uncertainty are all common things. You who create know what I’m talking about. And those that do not create have had experience with these elements before as well.

I’m talking about a different thing though. The uncertainty of your merit. The doubt of your skills. The fear that what you do will not be good or new or interesting. And the procrastination that comes from that, because its easier to say I have a revolutionary novel in the works than to actually write it and face the facts that maybe its just a fun fantasy novel. Procrastination in a creative defense mechanism.

I am fairly prolific when I want to me–once the ball begins to roll, I have no trouble keeping it going. But god help me if that ball stops because it takes a monumental amount of motivation to get it going again. Lately I have lapsed into bad habits, mostly due to too much time, too many projects going on at once. I was working on near to 9 different projects, from comics to novels to short films. This is often called spreading yourself too thin. I call it an addiction to creation. It’s a problem of attention and interest…instead of sticking to something and making it polished and sparkling…Id rather move on to something else new and fresh! But it’s a habit usually I have under control.

That sweet poison, however, leads us to a different problem. It’s called ‘what do I work on next?’ When you are your own boss there’s a lot to take into consideration. As always  I want to push my work to the next level, to be honest and realistic as possible and not gum up the works with a lot of flash and thunder. Though there are times flash and thunder have a purpose. The point is, it can be hard deciding what to work on next….obviously work on what you are passionate about. But what if nothing catches your eye at the moment? Well, that’s no excuse to let your discipline fall into rust and decay. You must push forward! So then which project? Or if you have no project, what the hell matters to you so much you must tell it?

Hard questions boy and girls. Hard questions indeed.

But lets think for a moment of solutions. There are a variety to consider–looking at trailers for obscure indie films, or main stream blockbusters. Reading interesting novels or short stories online. Drawing a picture. Sounding off with another creative in regards to a kernel of an idea you have, expanding it into a flower.

Notice a common link? All of these elements are external elements. They do not originate from within. And hey, they can work. I do all of the above from time to time. But the point is, there is no need to seek answers elsewhere when you have it all inside of you. Direct access. When things get hard, usually it means there’s external factors muddying the water. It gets hard to see through. Worry about jobs, work, bills, creative pressure, standards, markets and the like.

These are distractions. They come from other places and should find no purchase in your creative landscape. Yes, they are important. Yes, you should not ignore them. But they have no place interrupting your process. Make a place for them and leave them at the door like you would your shoes in a special, private place. The clearer you can make the water, the easier it becomes to create.

In the end, when you know yourself in entirety and can understand the difference between your thoughts and the invasive thoughts of other people, creation becomes a joy like no other, and refining, rewriting, reworking….all become part of the larger process.

Inspiration flows freely. Like attracts like in the unseen world.

We Must Bleed

I have a confession to make–I’ve been very, very lazy. Well, no, that’s not true. I’ve been very, very afraid. Of what, I’m not sure exactly. I don’t exactly have a skin built up against the prying thoughts and opinions of the world. So I end up hiding behind a lot of things. In this case, writing like a mad man. Which is kind of fine…better than hiding under a bed because I have something to show for all that lost time at least.

I have 7 solid projects now that I can shop around but what do I do? I sit on them and sit and sit. Well….I think there’s time for one more polish. But then the sitting is done and the selling begins.

The first part is knowing the players…who is doing what, who has done what and who is looking for what. Then the queries, then the reading then the rest will follow bit after bit.

See? It can be done. I’m just lazy.

In other news, my script made its way all the way out to L.A. which is cool. It made it into the hands of some solid people but sadly it resembled something that they had already done thematically, which is a bummer for me because they passed on it. And that’s fine. One of my scripts is floating out there in hollywoodland somewhere, even if it got rejected. The only thing that ticks me off a little is the fact that the thematic similarities seemed to be notched into a genre (gaylove…yes, gaylove). Companies do ‘a gay movie’ now and again. Same with actors. It helps their career.

It’s not a genre. There is no reason there should be more westerns, sci-fis, comedies, &c. with the gay in them. Saying you don’t want to do a film because you already did a gay one (not saying this was said to me), is silly. It’s like saying…well…I did a heterosexual film already…I want to do a family film. What? Excuse me, what? No. Sorry, just no. It’s silly. Beyond beans and geese. Just silly. And yes, I do know that markets make “gay” a genre…but when production companies play into it so deeply it doesn’t help things. All to sell stuff I guess, but what do I know about selling? I only know about diversity and the human experience, how it defies all labels and conventions in some corner of its being.

Guess reality isn’t very marketable.

That being said, I’ve been considering a genre piece….though I’m not sure what’s in my bones to write. We’ll see before the week is out I guess.

B.

Word of The Day: Success

So in the past week or so I’ve come up against some pretty crazy things that have kept me from moving forward and completing the shoot. But as of today they are gone! I banish you, obstacles, to obstacle hell! Or the after life…or where ever it is you go to be recycled into some other poor sap’s life.

The point is, there is a way and I have found it. Things, as they say, are looking up.

My deadline will be met and I will have a kick ass little film on my hands, much to my glee.

Now that that little snaffoo is out of the way I’d like to take a moment and reflect on yesterday. That’s right folks–cake friday.

Those of you unfamiliar with cake friday will do well to write down the details: the first friday of every month is designated cake friday and a special time will be a lotted to partake of cakey goodness (pancakes don’t count, cupcakes do if you have 4 or more and cheese cake [or ice cream cake] is the epitome of worship).

If this happens to be Good friday, then it is known as Good Cake Friday, wherein participants are expected to throw a cake themed party and gorge themselves on icing and delicious batter! Any other holiday and cake friday is moved to the following friday.

Should said friday also ever be a birthday or non-holiday celebration, then two cakes are expected to be at said celebration. With ice cream of your choice.

Now that you’ve been enlightened, go forth and partake! You’ll have to wait until next month though–you just missed it this time.

B.

The Cobra at the End of The Rope

So there’s a time in life when things are hard, when things kind of suck and you’re pretty much forced to live off of Kraft dinner and mr. noodles. This time is called being a student. Usually one has a student loan, just enough to survive on but not quite enough to have the freedom to breathe. Sometimes you have a part time job, which gives you some more money but kind of impedes your study time. Then there are the people who are students who don’t have a student loan and they’re working 3 jobs to be there….that kinda sucks. Maybe more than the first one. (also there are people who’s parents pay for their education…well, aren’t they lucky)

The point is, it ain’t a peach.

Now let me tell you about a worse time–post university education.

No one tells you about this, but it’s even worse. It’s like being a student, without the meager loan. No money for Kraft dinner or mr. noodles–forget those days, long gone are they. No, now it’s food banks and leftovers from work (if you have work, say, at a kitchen or a diner).

Now onto the job thing: What if you don’t have one? Well sir, brace yourself! After you burn through savings and sell what little possessions you have (if anyone really wants them, then you might be lucky to get 15 bucks for about 22 novels, near mint condition, that you’re never read at a second hand book store [true story by the way]), then you’re into that phase known as borrowing. You know, just until you get on your feet. Well, that’s all good and fine. Until you’re past that point called the end of the rope. That my friends, is where the cobra lives.

The cobra is a vile, sly thing. It’s more like part constrictor as well, in that it loosens its coils now and again to bite you in the face, making it sore and puffy with the venom of guilt and frustration. Only then to squeeze once more with the crushing coils of debt. You get the picture?

How do you beat the cobra (those of you who are currently facing the cobra are probably jumping up and down right now with excitement…try not to move. It’ll just tighten its grip)? Well, that’s a hard question. The obvious solution is to get a job. You know, a job job, not a career-that-just-cost-you-thirty-thousand-dollars-in-student-loan-money job. That’s right, forget your field. It’s time to dig ditches. Literally. Or scrub pots. Or peel potatoes. You get the idea, I’m sure.

But the cobra is sly, like I said. It will be waiting for you to do this and you’ll be met with it’s scaly tail that whispers things like ‘overqualified’, ‘not cut out for this’, ‘wouldn’t fit in here’ and ‘please don’t apply a third time’. Sometimes if you put your foot down (in a polite, respectful manner) the tail will give up, the cobra loosens a bit and you’re hired! Other times, not so lucky.

In that case, begin again! Over and over and just hope you get a job before it crushes you to death.

Now, those lucky bastards that get a job? Hold on to your socks cuz you’re not out of danger.

Firstly, the job has to pay enough to keep you alive and give you enough hours to meet your monthly living costs. That satisfied, any left over cash is going to the people you borrowed from, and to bills, etc. This can take a long time at minimum (or below) wage. The danger here is the venom of the cobra. It will slowly attack your soul, eventually depleting you of any ability to feel emotions. In effect, it will crush your soul, compacting it down to its smallest and most primitive form. From which recovery is long and arduous.

So in the end, though it looks bleak, there is hope friends. A small bit of hope.

Granted, there are other ways to kill the cobra and inch back up that rope, out of the hole and into the light once more. That ground your feet dream of it called, getting ahead. And the sky above, living large. So dream, dream deep and wide. Because in the end that’s the one thing that you have that the damn cobra can’t crush.

Happy Thursday,

-B